Oh Glory Be!

We got cherry!

Or, to be more specific, dark cherry syrup. It's the newest flavor for the winter phase 3 (or possibly spring phase 1, I don't remember which we're on right now) and it is...really good, actually. Great with mocha, though I haven't fully explored its potential yet. The best part? They didn't artificially color it some nausea-inducing Koolaid Kolor, like they did with the raspberry. And the orange. And the blackberry. And just about every other fruit flavor they've brought out, except valencia.

So, since Sir Shultz is now reading my mind, maybe we'll get peach in the summer?

And Howard, an extra buck an hour would pair really well with that. ;)

A Poll

Because occasionally I care about what you all are thinking, I'd like to know which of the flavors I posted awhile back you think Starbucks should sell.

Public Service Announcement Mk2

Remember that one time I went on and on for hours about caramel macchiatos? You know, how I couldn't understand how such a misunderstood drink could be so popular? Would you believe me when I told you that there's another drink we sell that is all that and more?
Yes, I know. I wish it weren't so either.

The drink to which I am mysteriously eluding is none other than the cappuccino.
"Oh! Cappuccinos!" some of you may be thinking, "I love cappuccinos! I get them at the local gas station all the time!"
If these are the words that you've just thought, never, never, order a cappuccino at Starbucks.
Starbucks' cappuccinos, as with most real coffee shops outside of a machine with four spouts that chokes out water and dust at you, are shots of espresso with freshly steamed milk poured immediately over them with none of the foam held back as it would be in a latte. The end result is a strong coffee flavor lightly balanced by the sweet flavor and the creamy, light texture of the milky foam. The drink is for the more discerning palate (like those people who know what chardonnay is and what kind of cheese pairs perfectly with it) and, before its reputation was utterly, sadly bastardized, should have been the coffee epitome of class and style.

Now, I'm not going to lie. There is no way, ever, in the universe, that cappuccinos at Starbucks should be considered the best. They're just more of a step in the right direction than what most people picture. At the very least, the baristas know what it should look and feel like, even if they don't all know how to get there. Mostly. HOWEVER, we get irritated by your repeated requests for french vanilla cappuccinos just like anyone else.
(By the way, if you ask for french vanilla at Starbucks, we automatically assume you're an idiot. We'll do it, we just add hazelnut to it to make it 'french', but we'll automatically figure you as the type that normally drinks Maxwell House and that this is your first trip to the Starbucks.)

It's not just your ignorance on the subject that makes this beverage so darn annoying, nossir. To make the beverage well, it needs its own, fresh pitcher of milk, it needs to be timed well so that the shots have been poured roughly at the same time that the milk has finished steaming, and it has to feel like it weighs what it should weigh (less than a latte, more than air). All that for a drink you'll be disappointed in.
I know, I know, it doesn't sound like much and why am I so whiny and really, why don't I just quit because obviously cappuccinos are ruining my life. It doesn't sound so bad up there, but when you've got a line of cups on every inch of the bar and every pitcher is full of the milk you'll need and all of a sudden there's a cappuccino thrown in there, well, thanks for the wrench in our gears, 14-year-old child who gets it at Sheetz every morning.
Oh, and then there are those that order very specific and customized versions due to what I call the Caramel Macchiato principle (you don't really like the drink but you refuse to give up on it.) So we get calls for 140 degree wet cappuccinos with 7 pumps of vanilla and cinnamon on top and way to go you just ruined everybody's day.
By the way, usually, asking for a wet cappuccino means you want a latte (or that your baristas are terrible at making cappuccinos. Then you...probably still want a latte. They know how to make those.) Asking for a 140 degree cappuccino means that you probably want a latte. Lightweight and foamy means that it probably won't be as warm as a latte, and definitely won't be in about, oh, five minutes. Asking for it with cinnamon on top? Means that you like cinnamon. You pervert.
Now, on occasion, I get legit cappuccino orders from legit cappuccino aficionados. They order it dry or breve or short, and I have no problem whatsoever even slightly making it for them, because they know what they want and I'm pleased as punch to get it for them.

For everyone else? Just so you know, when you order a french vanilla cappuccino...
...I make it extra dry.

The more you know.

Picky Eaters Take 2

So I weenied out last time, and gave up after two tidbits of advice. For those of you with caffeine allergies or needing something sugarless, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to wait, and I hope you can ever, ever forgive me.

Ok, so you're a wee bittie upset. I'll try to make it up to you.

So...where was I...so you're avoiding sugar/following Atkins.
I'm putting these together because at a coffee shop, most of the advice is the same. This one is probably the easiest, but, alas, it has the least amount of choices. Remember when I told you all of our syrups? And I mentioned how vanilla, caramel, hazelnut, and cinnamon dolce all come in sugar-free? If you want flavor, those four are going to be your only choices in this instance. I think in later years we'll be seeing more sugar-free options from our bff Howard, but then again, judging by the success of the tar-flavored sugar-free mocha, possibly not.
So sugar-free syrups, that's obvious, right? But another way to change your sugar (carb) content is to change your milk. (Note: this is why I didn't write this paragraph to diabetics, because you guys would have just thrown things and my head and shouted about how you already knew all this. I'm sorry I'm not breaking any new grounds here.) Nonfat (skim) milk has about 12-13g of sugar in a 12 oz. glass. Heavy whipping cream has none, and no carbs either. Now, a latte made with heavy whipping cream probably sounds incredibly foul, but it...ok, it is. BUT. One of our regulars, whom I've known for about 4 years, orders a regular coffee with sugar free vanilla and a splash of heavy whipping cream. She does this because her husband is diabetic and no sugar has become a habit, but over the time that I have seen her order this, she has lost about 60 pounds.
Of course, plain iced or hot tea and plain iced or hot coffee works in this situation as well.

So you need it gluten free.
Well, in our drinks you don't have much to worry about, except maybe in the protein and fiber powder (I'll check on that). In our pastries, however, it's another story. Since they got rid of the valencia orange cake, in most stores there are no gluten free options. However, Starbucks has recently started rolling out healthy, organic and gluten free options, like fruit based gels and a variety of flavored nuts. So good news for you!

So nuts are right out.
Again, in our drinks this is not so bad. Just don't get hazelnut syrup (and maybe toffee nut, but I'll check for sure.) Pastries, on the other hand, are less easy. While the ones that are actually made with nuts are obvious (like the toffee pecan bar), please be aware that all of our pastries are made in a factory that also makes things with nuts, and sometimes they swap cooties. If you aren't worried by this, enjoy a cinnamon bun. Hey, sometimes risks are delicious.

So you're allergic to caffeine.
Get it decaffeinated.

I think that's all that I can think of, but if you have an issue and would like to know a solution, please let me know in the comments. Also, if you didn't see something you would like to get, and you have an idea of how Starbucks can remedy this, submit your Starbucks idea. Make it clear, concise, well spelled, and with a real solution (they see about a kajillion of these every 2 seconds) and you may get to see it happen.

Oh Snow!

I am completely and utterly ashamed at the lack of posting I have done all weekend. Unfortunately, as some of you might have noticed, we got hit with lots and lots of snow. Record-breaking amounts of snow. So much snow that it was a lot of snow.
So, not only was I unable to be at Starbucks all weekend, but I was also without internet and electricity for a good part of it, meaning that I was without inspiration and with only enough time online for Facebook.

Later this week, I promise, I'll have more posts, and they might even be entertaining. Don't hold me to that, though.

For Those Picky Drinkers

In an environment where food is sold, nothing becomes clearer than the specific gastrointestinal needs of every single human being out there. Luckily, working at a chain that sells a very specified product makes it much easier to find something you need and like rather than, say, next door at Five Guys.


Unfortunately, a lot of people don't understand just how customizable everything we have is. (Unfortunately, some people also assume that we're a lot more customizable than we are. No, we don't have light whipped cream, ma'am.)Starbucks has spent a lot of time and money in making sure that there is something in our store for everybody, but a lot of folks out there are too intimidated to ask us what all we can do for them.

Therefore, I am putting together a few common needs and what drinks fulfill them.

First off, here's a list of our flavors:
Vanilla, Hazelnut, Caramel, Cinnamon Dolce (like a cinnamon bun)(note: these four come in sugar-free), Toffee Nut, Raspberry, Classic (simple syrup) Mocha, White Mocha, Chai, and Green Tea (note: these last four are not technically in the same category as the others, and will cost extra when mixed with another flavor.)
At this point, it would be wisest to choose a flavor or flavor combination (for example, vanilla caramel) and just substitute your choice whenever it says "any flavor/syrup."

So you don't like coffee.
That's fine. A great deal of people in the world loathe the taste of coffee, and Starbucks would be a sad banana indeed if they cut these people out of their customer count, so there are many choices for you. You have your pick of our teas, for one, and the company has just rolled out a new full leaf version of them that come with more flavor and fancier bags, and some of them make a great latte. Personally, I'm drinking a three-pump-vanilla, three-pump-classic soy awake tea latte all winter.
If tea's not your thing, we've also got the creme Frappuccinos. The most common flavors are Strawberries n' Cream, Vanilla Bean (note: please specify either Vanilla Bean or Caffe Vanilla, our coffee flavor. Saying just "vanilla" will get you a lot of questioning from a testy barista), or Double Chocolatey Chip, but we can add in any syrup you want.
If a cold drink's no good, remember that the espresso does not come automatically attached to the cup, and that any latte can easily be made without it. We call these "steamers" or "cremes" or, in the case of mochas, "hot chocolates," but you can ask us for a vanilla latte without the coffee and we'll understand. And put whipped cream on it.

So you're lactose intolerant.
This is a common need, and for the most part sufferers know what they need to do--get it with soy. We can make all of our lattes with soy, either iced or hot, and if you're adding it to your coffee or americano, if it's under four ounces it's free of charge. Here again you also have your pick of the teas, hot or iced, and hot or iced coffees. But what if you want your drink frozen? Hey, no worries, we got smoothies. Our Vivanno smoothies are usually made with a whole banana, protein and fiber powder, 2% milk, and either strawberry, orange mango, or chocolate flavoring. You can sub soy for the milk, and leave out the protein (it's made with whey) and viola! Perfect for any of you who happen to be a little lactarded (is that offensive? if so, on how many levels?). Also frozen are our blended strawberry lemonades, which are muy perfecto in the Summer.

Finally, I'm going to let you in on a secret. We CAN make our Frappuccinos non-dairy. It's not recommended, as it is considered "cross-contamination" and then we have to waste like a whole 5 seconds getting a new, clean pitcher, but we can do them with. Even with a shot of espresso if you want coffee flavored.
Now, some baristas may give you trouble over this, but I'm going to give you the magic words that will smooth things over 9 times out of 10:
"They made it for me no problem at the last Starbucks I went to."
I'm going to get kicked in the head for divulging that secret, but if we feel like another Starbucks has let the cat out of the bag, then we'll feel guilty still keeping it from you. Use it carefully, though. It won't always work, and some of us have much stronger wills.

I think I'm going to save the rest for my next post. I feel like I've already got far too many novella sized blog posts, and this one would take the cake. So stay tuned!

Memo to Mr. Schultz

My dearest Howard,
We've known each other for, what, five years now? Granted, they haven't always been the best of times, but through it I feel our bond has grown stronger than ever.
Which is why I finally feel comfortable enough with you to do something I've wanted to do for a long time...
Suggest some flavors you should totally bring out.

1. Peanut Butter. I'm pretty sure there's a way to make it of white mocha consistency and tasting awesome. Imagine the possibilities. Peanut butter & mocha lattes. Peanut butter chocolate chip Frappuccinos. Oh, sir, it could be wonderful.

2. Peach. You don't even know how many summers have gone and past (five summers. It's been five.) that I've longed and hoped that peach would be the flavor of the promotion. Peach iced teas. Peaches & cream Frappuccinos. And you know what I got instead? Effing Vivannos.

3. Cherry. Crazy Mocha has cherry, and the cherry mocha there is, how do I put this, freaking amazing (please don't be mad that I cheated on you, Howie. It was a one time thing; I promise it'll never happen again.)

4. Toasted marshmallow. With graham cracker sprinkles. S'more lattes? Everyone would be coming back for S'MORE!! (I'm so sorry.)

5. Apple cinnamon. I'm not too sure about the practical employment of this flavor, but I think it would be awesome no matter what. Definitely a frappuccino flavor at least.

6. Bring. Back. Valencia. Valencia was a subtle orange flavor that was around just long enough in my Starbucks employment for me to get totally hooked on it. Let me just tell you, it made the tea lemonades. Classic syrup just does not compare.

7. Bring back Blueberry. I really liked blueberry, even though a lot of people didn't. It was a little weird, but mixed with strawberry, tangerine, and some pumps of raspberry, it made a delicious concoction we called Demon Blood.

8. Bring back Tangerine. See above. Plus, mixed with lemonade and blended, it tasted exactly like Lemon Blendd. The Pomegranate that came out at the same time? Don't worry about bringing that back.

9. Bring back Blackberry. Blackberry black tea lemonades almost made up for losing Valencia. Almost.

10. Bring back Almond. Not only does everyone ask for this still, but when you mixed almond into a mocha creme frappuccino with a shot of espresso, it tasted just like a Kahlua Mudslide.

11. Give me a raise. No really. That would be delicious.

T.I.P.S.

The word tips, in the context we in the service industry love it most, started out as an acronym meaning "To Insure Prompt Service," and, though the custom has been around since the 17th century, the name is a throwback to the tea party days of American history, when the gussied up ladies of the tea would toss a coin or two to the tea server...to insure prompt service. There were actually wooden boxes set up at each table labeled with the acronym T.I.P.S. for the coins to be placed in, much like what is seen at most line service restaurants today.

Or I made all of that up, because darn it all if I can find anything to back that up. Either way, it sounds good, right? That's not really why I'm bringing up tips anyways, though the extra change here and there is very, very appreciated. This post is for me to give you tips...on how to insure prompt, and professional, service.

-If you don't know what you want, don't be afraid to ask us for help.
I am never, ever annoyed by someone asking me for a recommendation, and I don't mean just asking me if that vanilla bean thing is good. Customers that indicate to me that it's their first time there or that they want my opinion on the best drink there usually get the best service out of all the customers I serve. We love showing off, and I can guarantee that we're the best people to ask to point you in the direction of what you need and what you like. Plus, I'm way happier about remaking a drink that I recommended for you than adding touch-ups to a drink you don't like but ordered based on menu-board description. (*cough*carameleffingmacchiato*cough*)

-Put down your cell phone.
No seriously. Put it down. Put it away. Put it up for sale on EBay. I have no idea why people still do this, it's the epitome of rudeness at the register. How upset would you be at me if I had my cell phone glued to my ear during your transaction? If I was so engrossed in my conversation I didn't even bother to greet you kindly, or speak to you at all, really. You'd be pissed, I'd be given a write up, and nobody, nobody would forgive me. So what gives you the right? What's so difficult about standing off to the side until your call is finished? Or telling the person on the other end to hold on a sec? I've had more people in line apologize to the person they are on the phone with than people who apologize to me. I've had regulars who consistantly come in, every single time, on their cell phone, and probably wondering why we're never nice to them and why we can never remember their drink.

-Provide all of the details at the register.
The barista at the register is not just there to steal your money. Their job is also to translate your order into a form of shorthand that the barista at the bar can quickly read so that they can immediately begin the preparation of your drink. It's a beautiful system that has served Starbucks very well for decades and enables us to get drinks in and out of line as quickly as possible, and when you wait until you get to the end of the line to tell us to make it decaf and skim, you've completely derailed it, and we hate you.

-Make it easy to remember you (but in a good way).
We have great memories, we do. For the most part, if you’ve come in more than once while I was working, I can remember something about you, though it some cases it may not be flattering. For those of my customers who are nice, and friendly, or have memorable drinks, places of employment, names, stories, or kids and pets, they get the best of my best, they get first treatment, and we’ll usually discuss you fondly and make sure that all of the new employees know you too. But if you come in, and refuse to acknowledge that we’ve met before, and aren’t friendly, and order something cut and paste from the menu board, well, you get a nickname at best. And just ask Baby Thief or Angry Guy that Gets a Mocha--they usually aren’t flattering. (Note--Baby Thief might not actually steal babies. She just looks like she might.)

-Don't assume we have anything more to do with the inner workings of Starbucks beyond getting you correct change and your beverage in a timely manner.
I didn't price these drinks. I didn't name these drinks. I didn't choose size names, or what drinks get the kibosh, or when we serve pumpkin spice, or what secret blends of herbs and spices make up our coffees. I don't really care what you think about any of these, and I have even less power than you to get it changed to what you want. And I'm very, very hurt that you think I look like Howard Shultz.

pictured: not me

-Don't assume that we can read your mind, or that all baristas employ a hive mind ability
Shockingly enough, if you don't tell us you want it made iced, we don't make your drink iced. We won't know that if you don't tell us even if that one girl made it for you like that yesterday, or if they allllways do it like that at "your" Starbucks. It doesn't matter if you know exactly what you're thinking of, you need to tell us, out loud, and in a way that we can understand.


-Don't be an asshole.
I wish this wasn't something I had to address, and I could leave it off to the side along with "always wear clothes" and "don't punch me in the head," but just this weekend we had a man refuse to finish his order until we said "medium" instead of grande, and refused again at the window to take his frappuccino until we called it a "medium." And then there were the guys who tipped us with a half-full Big Gulp of cherry slushie. Just...be as nice to us as it is possible for you at that moment to be. Unless you have a personal issue with me, I have done nothing to you, so why are you going out of your way to be as unpleasant as possible? This type of person doesn‘t even give us a chance to give good service.

-If you make an error, apologize.
If we make an error, we usually almost throw up from apologizing so hard. When you make an error, you usually blame us. Even if you assumed we could read your mind, or didn’t put in the details of your drink until the end of the bar, or were an asshole. I’ll forgive anything if you just say sorry, and believe me, if you mess up and we know it and you look at us like it’s our fault…you’re still not getting a free drink coupon. Sorry bubs, thems the rules.

-And finally, bring us cookies.
We love cookies. We’ll make your drinks the best ever if you bring us cookies. Mmm, cookies. Chocolate chip for preference, though I won’t say no to a good oatmeal raisin.

I Hate Going Sleeveless

Starbucks, as part of the world-wide contribution to the green movement, has this past year made several changes to its usual behavior in an effort to waste less and utilize more. I commend them, even if it was mostly to improve company image. They've switched to greener plastics for their cups, they've cut down considerably on water usage by removing the spoon jacuzzi...
...and they've all but outlawed sleeves.

Sleeves, for the uninformed, are those clever little cardboard cup snuggies that slide up the bottom of the cup and prevent one's hand from ever having to feel the warmth and love your coffee wants to provide. Once upon a time they were placed in delightful racks just about everywhere; the hand-off bar, the condiment bar, heck, we'd usually have 8 or 9 lining our wrists and arms just to feel pretty. Not anymore. Now the racks are held behind the counter and viciously hoarded, only being handed out on Venti beverages, extra hot beverages, anything made with hot water (like Chai lattes and hot teas), coffees, and anyone else who wants one can go hang. Or ask us for one.

In most cases, I agree, they really aren't necessary. Beverages made to standard are steamed to 160 degrees, not much hotter than the showers you take, and in a tall or a grande, with the insulation of the cup, it's usually not enough to feel much discomfort, if any at all.

Our customers don't agree, and just about every single person that gets a hot drink (and about every other person who gets a cold drink) asks for a sleeve.

Or they would if they knew what they were called. I've had people ask for those cardboard thingies, cup jackets, cozies, drink condoms, cup holders, drink snuggies, hand things, cup jobbies, and any number of any combination of words that could possibly ever hope to aspire to come close to indicating a sleeve. I've gotten pretty good at deciphering their words and their expressions, and can hand out a sleeve before they say anything and as soon as they give their first puzzled, searching look.

The best part about all this, though, is that most people don't even try to give it a name. They resort to sign language. However, the easiest sign language to ask for a cup sleeve is to give your cup a short, brief (and probably unsatisfying) hand job. We've gotten pretty used to this, and these days most times don't even crack a smile.

That is, I didn't, until the one day when one man's sign language wasn't the typical cup hand job but, instead, he fondled the cup's invisible balls.

He got his sleeve. His cup found its soul mate.



By the way, everybody, if you ever want to argue things on a more personal level, go ahead and email me.

Here's a great music video, because we're learning NEW THINGS in class.