Public Service Announcement Mk2

Remember that one time I went on and on for hours about caramel macchiatos? You know, how I couldn't understand how such a misunderstood drink could be so popular? Would you believe me when I told you that there's another drink we sell that is all that and more?
Yes, I know. I wish it weren't so either.

The drink to which I am mysteriously eluding is none other than the cappuccino.
"Oh! Cappuccinos!" some of you may be thinking, "I love cappuccinos! I get them at the local gas station all the time!"
If these are the words that you've just thought, never, never, order a cappuccino at Starbucks.
Starbucks' cappuccinos, as with most real coffee shops outside of a machine with four spouts that chokes out water and dust at you, are shots of espresso with freshly steamed milk poured immediately over them with none of the foam held back as it would be in a latte. The end result is a strong coffee flavor lightly balanced by the sweet flavor and the creamy, light texture of the milky foam. The drink is for the more discerning palate (like those people who know what chardonnay is and what kind of cheese pairs perfectly with it) and, before its reputation was utterly, sadly bastardized, should have been the coffee epitome of class and style.

Now, I'm not going to lie. There is no way, ever, in the universe, that cappuccinos at Starbucks should be considered the best. They're just more of a step in the right direction than what most people picture. At the very least, the baristas know what it should look and feel like, even if they don't all know how to get there. Mostly. HOWEVER, we get irritated by your repeated requests for french vanilla cappuccinos just like anyone else.
(By the way, if you ask for french vanilla at Starbucks, we automatically assume you're an idiot. We'll do it, we just add hazelnut to it to make it 'french', but we'll automatically figure you as the type that normally drinks Maxwell House and that this is your first trip to the Starbucks.)

It's not just your ignorance on the subject that makes this beverage so darn annoying, nossir. To make the beverage well, it needs its own, fresh pitcher of milk, it needs to be timed well so that the shots have been poured roughly at the same time that the milk has finished steaming, and it has to feel like it weighs what it should weigh (less than a latte, more than air). All that for a drink you'll be disappointed in.
I know, I know, it doesn't sound like much and why am I so whiny and really, why don't I just quit because obviously cappuccinos are ruining my life. It doesn't sound so bad up there, but when you've got a line of cups on every inch of the bar and every pitcher is full of the milk you'll need and all of a sudden there's a cappuccino thrown in there, well, thanks for the wrench in our gears, 14-year-old child who gets it at Sheetz every morning.
Oh, and then there are those that order very specific and customized versions due to what I call the Caramel Macchiato principle (you don't really like the drink but you refuse to give up on it.) So we get calls for 140 degree wet cappuccinos with 7 pumps of vanilla and cinnamon on top and way to go you just ruined everybody's day.
By the way, usually, asking for a wet cappuccino means you want a latte (or that your baristas are terrible at making cappuccinos. Then you...probably still want a latte. They know how to make those.) Asking for a 140 degree cappuccino means that you probably want a latte. Lightweight and foamy means that it probably won't be as warm as a latte, and definitely won't be in about, oh, five minutes. Asking for it with cinnamon on top? Means that you like cinnamon. You pervert.
Now, on occasion, I get legit cappuccino orders from legit cappuccino aficionados. They order it dry or breve or short, and I have no problem whatsoever even slightly making it for them, because they know what they want and I'm pleased as punch to get it for them.

For everyone else? Just so you know, when you order a french vanilla cappuccino...
...I make it extra dry.

The more you know.