Oh, the Glory Days

As somebody, somewhere out there, maybe knows, I started out my coffee shop career (lulz) in a franchise location in a shopping mall.

I don't recommend this.

Though, I will agree, it was probably the most fun I've ever had while working (Oh, the shenanigans!) and the people I worked with were hands down the best people I've ever encountered (I miss you, Kate and Kiel), there was one, enormous, ever present problem. Namely, the clientele.

There is a reason why the best zombie movie ever made was filmed in a shopping mall. Let us just say that it took very, very little to make the shoppers in the mall into highly realistic extras. In fact, in some cases, they probably even had to cut back on the make up that the shopper was already wearing.

Saying I worked in a shopping mall doesn't quite encompass the horrors involved, though. No. This was the first of such a coffee shop within about 20 miles, in a brand new mall (seriously, I was there the first day that mall opened) very close to three high schools. The coffee shop in the mall was directly beside a HUGE and IMPRESSIVE movie theater with IMAX, at the entrance to the food court, and close to stores such as PacSun, Gamestop, Forever 21, American Eagle, and Hot Topic. No other store has ever made as many of what we called the Trifecta (Vanilla Bean, Double Chocolate Chip, and Strawberries and Cream Frappuccinos) as we must have made on Saturdays alone. Ohh the hordes of vapid, expressionless teenagers, bringing their drama and angst. I still have nightmares.

This lengthy introduction (me? Long winded? Never!) is for two reasons. One, to give you insight into why I sometimes cry for no reason, and two, to tell you the BEST THING I have EVER HEARD in my life.

It was a Saturday when a group of prostitots, as we fondly called them, wandered vaguely into our store to peruse our selection of bottled beverages.
The leader of this pack of chihuahuas, having not encountered such a difficult choice since the last time she got the bands changed on her braces (PINK or BLUE?!) lamented loudly the fact that she had NO IDEA what to buy, and began asking for advice in this life-altering matter.
To which her friend responded...

"Like, just get something that matches your outfit."

fin